I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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