You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize