Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
