My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
