Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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