**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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