why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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