You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
