Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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