I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sober January is a disaster.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she peed on how many people?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
