I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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