Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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