I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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