My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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