how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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