I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
