i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
