good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
