the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
