Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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