It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
