I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
