i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
where does the pee come out of this thing
bring money and cleavage
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
