the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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