your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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