Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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