I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
