I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
