That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
