The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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