i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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