what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
