the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
