he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize