Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
