I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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