Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
