I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I didn't notice because vodka
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
