you guys were way drunker than both of me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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