Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
