Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
