Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
