i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
