you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
