I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
