I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize