No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
