i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
