ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
