Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
