allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
