You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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