Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
