hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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