dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize