Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
