He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
