Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
