Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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