She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize