I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
