Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Small penises have feelings too.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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