Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
