No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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